Did you know that all the problems in our lives are ignited by the interpersonal relationships that we form in our lifetime? Unfortunately, the statement is very true, and the first time I read about Interpersonal Relationships was in the book ‘The Courage To Be Disliked’ written by Ichiro Kishmi and Fumitake Koga. 

This made me think about all the people associated with my life from a very different perspective. The more I read the book, the more conflicting feelings I was experiencing. However, by the end of the book, I could understand how all interpersonal relationships are the reason behind our day-to-day issues and misery. 

Let me tell you more about this concept because I know you have also always felt super overwhelmed while dealing with your interpersonal relationships. Below we will discover ‘Why Interpersonal Relationships Are Always So Overwhelming And Heartbreaking?’

What Is The Definition Of Interpersonal Relationship?

If you look online for the definition of Interpersonal Relationships, it is quite simple – an interpersonal relationship is a social association, connection, or affiliation between two or more people. 

The interesting thing about humans is that we can make as many interpersonal relationships as we want. I mean, we have friends, lovers, colleagues, neighbors, relatives, and so many other relationships. Each relationship has an effect on our lives, even the distant ones.

It is more like the web as we are connected to so many people at the same time. This helps us to stay attached to our community and gives us a sense of belongingness.  The saddest part of being a human is that we cannot live without these interpersonal relationships, yet most of the problems are caused by them. 

Trust me, the moment you are able to separate and create healthy boundaries between you and the relationships you have with people; you will be moving towards a peaceful life. 

Why Interpersonal Relationships Are Always So Overwhelming And Heartbreaking?

Some of us often end up in heartbreaking situations and that is because we are so badly trapped in interpersonal relationships. We tend to overlap our tasks with other people’s tasks, and the line gets so blurred that we take in all the stress that is not meant for us. 

For instance, you have an opinion about certain things, and during a discussion, you express the same. Now, what most of us do is try to prove ourselves right. It is more like imposing our opinions onto others, and somehow, when it does not happen as we plan, we get offended. 

Look closely; here, our task is just to express our opinion, and whether the opinion should be accepted or not is another individual task. 

If I had to give a more relatable example, then I would say that many of us have an urge to always be liked. So, whenever we meet someone we are always looking for their validation. We are always stuck in thoughts about whether the person likes us or not, and if not, we cannot resist ourselves from not knowing the reason behind the same. 

Once we discover the reasons, we let ourselves believe that their reasons are true, ending up in self-doubts. See, how self-destructive is this?

What happens next is something we already know. Many times, we get insecure about ourselves or get agitated over small things. We end up in a toxic relationship, or sometimes we get trapped in our toxic patterns. 

Now, I am sure you will be thinking, why does this happen to you, and how can you sort this out? No one wants to lose the peace of their minds and still wants to live with people.  

You will be surprised to know that such incidents happen because we do not separate our tasks. Then, there are other factors that also exist that act as barriers in interpersonal relationships. And this is how our interpersonal relationships, which are meant for our survival, become the reason for the destruction of our peaceful life. 

What are the barriers to Interpersonal Relationships?

Just now we discussed how interpersonal relationships are the reasons for some major problems. Now, let’s see what the barriers of interpersonal relationships are that bring so much friction.

1. Different Thoughts

It is not a secret that everyone has different thoughts and opinions. Now, the difference in thoughts can bring rifts between interpersonal relationships. One thing that we always miss is that even with differences in opinions, there can be peace. 

You may have heard of the phrase ‘agree to disagree’ and that is something we all must incorporate in our lives. Another thing that I personally prefer is putting myself in others’ shoes, which helps me understand where the other person is coming from. 

2. Past Experiences

The worst thing we humans do is carry our pasts on our shoulders. That is where we take all the happiness and dump it. This clinging to the past stops us from creating a valuable interpersonal relationship. We tend to judge people and follow the old patterns. Trust me, this makes us more toxic and harms our relationships. 

3. Miscommunication

Miscommunication leads to misunderstandings between people, and today, we all are always miscommunicating our feelings and thoughts. We have become a master at masking our emotions and not conveying what we feel to the other person so that we not only fool others but our own selves. In the end, there is no truth left between people, and we feel betrayed. 

4. Not Separating The Task

Have you ever worried about something which is not under your control? I mean, what about the days when you were stressed about the person who was not being kind to you or the person who did not reciprocate your efforts? 

I know that we always overthink so many things that we always take up extra work that is not even our cup of tea. That is where we start acting for the other person, and all the problems start to build up. We do not separate the tasks, and every problem becomes a part of your life, even if it is not your problem in the first place. 

5. The difference in the way of interpreting situations

Surprising Truth: The way you think may not be the same way I think. However, we both can be right, right? It is just the way how we interpret situations. This difference in interpretation starts disagreements, leading to arguments, which eventually bring tensions in the interpersonal relationships. 

Are Interpersonal Relationships important?

Yes, interpersonal relationships are super important. It is like fuel to our social life. It is a basic survival need, and one needs to ensure the creation of healthy interpersonal relationships that promote better well-being of each other. 

What are the limitations of Interpersonal Relationships?

Sometimes, the relationships we make in our lifetime become the reason for our misery and unhappiness. The limitations of interpersonal relationships are quite vast. That is why you need to work on it every day. And by working on it, I mean not only your relationship with others but working on yourself, too. 

It may get rough from time to time again, but you have to move forward. Sometimes, you may leave people, or maybe people will leave, and that is what the real truth is. Having said all that, let’s have a brief look at all the limitations of Interpersonal Relationships problems: 

1. One Gets Lost In Communication: During every issue related to interpersonal relationships, if things are not well communicated, many misunderstandings can arise. Eventually, the person gets lost in the communication, and later on, he/she finds it difficult to convey anything. 

2. Isolation Looks Appealing: I am sure that after every heavy argument with your people, you get a feeling of leaving everything and just disappearing. Trust me, I have been at the same place where I just wanted to leave everything and never come back. 

3. Unstable Moods: Mood swings are one thing, and then there is instability in moods. It does not happen just like that, but it has a trigger point. And that trigger point is somewhere generated with the previous interpersonal relationship issues. 

4. Dip In Self-Confidence: Now, think of a person who has many conflicts with people around them. Do you think that this person would be able to reflect positivity and self-confidence in themselves? Obviously not, because what you are experiencing outside becomes your inner part, and the irony is that the outside experience is created with actions that our inner self initiates. It is more like a labyrinth of life. 

5. Jealousy Becomes Your Nature: When there is a dip in confidence, you think less of yourself. Hence, you start befriending jealousy. Now, everyone is a threat to you and if you are not validated by people around you, jealousy fumes inside you. 

6. Disrespecting Of Boundaries: The one mistake that we always make is disrespecting someone’s boundaries. That happens when there is a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding between people. Often, we cross the lines that we should not because we have never been taught about the same thing. And when conflicts arise, we always overlook the fact that we are crossing the boundaries, which leads to toxicity. 

7. Insecurity Blooms: The funniest part of having conflicts with people is that our inner self gets damaged. And that is where the biggest demon starts flourishing. One gets caught in the maze of insecurities, and one’s soul never settles in one place or thing. 

How do you ensure that you have a healthy Interpersonal Relationship with people?

There is no such tool guide for creating a healthy interpersonal relationship. You need to find a way that helps you to grow positively. Just ensure that you keep yourself as a priority and then fulfil others’ expectations. The moment you hold someone or any relation above you, you are most likely to lose yourself. 

How do you separate your and others’ tasks?

When it comes to separating the task, you need to ask one question only – “Whose task is this?” When you ask this question to yourself, you will be able to look at the problems from a different perspective. This allows you to transfer the responsibility to the right person. 

If I am saying separating the tasks, that does not mean that you need to act selfish and not be a team player. Just create a boundary so that you are not affected by things that are not supposed to stay on your shoulder. Simply shrug it off and focus on what you are meant to do. 

At the start, it would be really difficult. You may come out as a very arrogant person to your loved ones. Nevertheless, this separation of tasks will not only help you but will also make your people independent as well. And this thing goes both ways. Make sure that you are not burdening someone with something that you are supposed to do. 

It is very likely that when we live with people, we are co-dependent, but being codependent and taking over someone else’s tasks are two completely different things. 

So, whenever you come across a situation where your interpersonal relationships are involved, ask yourself, ‘Whose task is this’? The answer will help you to understand whether you must meddle in between or dismiss the same. 

A friendly advice – make it as polite as possible. Because people like me who are emotionally connected may find it very harsh and cry over it for the whole night.  

Last Words…

The fact that every single problem and distress in our lives is caused by interpersonal relationships may be concerning. I would also not agree with this in my earlier days, but when I started separating my tasks, I felt less anxious on a daily basis. 

If you want to gain in-depth knowledge of the subject, I would suggest you read the book The Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. The way the book takes you through the whole concept is magical. 

Now, I will take your leave. Thank you for reading this far; it really means a lot. If you have a couple of seconds, put down your views below in the comment section. I will be coming soon with more such concepts and discussions where we will unravel life confusion and complications. 

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